Scotty The Speechwriter

Being as this Avery incident has gotten the most press - both inside and outside of hockey - that the sport has gotten since last January 1st, do you think Gary Bettman should, during his inevitable, highly-publicized press conference have a speech that is something like this?

"Sean Avery is a disgrace to the game, blah, blah, no room for players with negative attitudes in my happy corporate world, he is a bad seed and a terrible role model for our youth, blah, blah, grandstand, posture, suspension for 15 games, blah, blah and oh yeah, make sure you tune in on January 1st when players of a higher moral caliber - such as American [wait for applause] Patrick Kane - skate in a hockey game outside in Wrigley Field. You guys like baseball, you should like us too! Wrigley! C'mon! Chicago, ivy on the walls, "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" ... Americana! Love me! Love hockey! USA, USA! Tune in, NBC, New Years Day! And, yeah, Sean Avery is a douche. Peace, I'm outta here!'