Friday, January 4, 2008

Grading the Rangers

Picking up a challenge from Sam Weinman at Rangers Report, I offer my report card of the New York Rangers after 41 games (half the season). Aside from the standard grade, I added classic report card comments, courtesy of I am leaving Renney, his staff and Sather out as I feel the most important part of their seasons have yet to start (a debatable matter in and of itself).

Sean Avery: It has been a pleasure to have him in class. Has good oral vocabulary. Uses colorful words (just ask Darcy Tucker). Excessive absences. B

Blair Betts: Brings fine contributions. Is willing to take part in all classroom activities. A

Ryan Callahan: Sacrificing accuracy for unnecessary speed in his work. Anxious to please. B-

Nigel Dawes: Has shown a good attitude about trying to improve. B

Chris Drury: Gaining more self-confidence. He is capable of much better work. C+

Brandon Dubinsky: Unusually mature. Is becoming more self-reliant. A-

Scott Gomez: Although he has had some difficulty adjusting to our room and various duties, he usually tries to cooperate. Does not work up to his ability. B

Ryan Hollweg: Bubbles over with enthusiasm. He has made many fine contributions to our class and is an inspiration to his classmates. A

Marcel Hossa: Seems unable to finish required work. C

Jaromir Jagr: Capable of achieving a higher average. Is inconsistent in his efforts. Makes little effort when not under direct supervision. Many of his difficulties occur on the playground and he then carries a poor attitude in the classroom. C+

Greg Moore: I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you (much) this year. Incomplete

Colton Orr: Does colorful and interesting work. Works well with his neighbors. B+

Petr Prucha: I am hoping this recent interest and improvement will continue. He is self-confident and has excellent manners. B-

Brendan Shanahan: Has good organization of thoughts. Speaks with confidence to the group. He assumes responsibility well and has a fine attitude. B+

Martin Straka: Performs well in everything he undertakes. Shows initiative; thinks things through for himself. A

Dan Girardi: Has earned a very fine report card. Now accepts responsiblity well. A

Marek Malik: Works too slowly. Has poor motor skills. D

Paul Mara: Requires too much supervision. Work is not neat. C

Michal Rozsival: Makes careless errors. Is strong in offensive zone. B

Marc Staal: Is becoming more dependable during work periods. Has great potential and works toward achieving it. B+

Jason Strudwick: Comprehends well, but needs to work more quickly. Has a pleasant personality. B-

Fedor Tyutin: Enjoys doing neat careful work. A pleasure to have around. A

Henrik Lundqvist: Makes friends quickly and is well liked by classmates. All work is neatly and accurately done. B+

Stephen Valiquette: Is a polite, conscientious pupil. B+

So what do you think: Are my grades fair or unfair? Think the kids deserve the keys to the car or to be locked in the libarary? Are you hot for teacher??


Loser Domi said...

Snicker-inducing goodness!

Are you hot for teacher?? I got my pencil! give me something to write on!

I don't feel tardy...class dismissed!

The Dark Ranger said...

Loved it. Scotty, if your grades are accurate, then one thing is for sure...

Jagr, Malik, Drury make too much f***ing money per year!!!!

Anonymous said...


You must be smoking crack handing Holloweg an "A" ... gimme a break.

Loved the "poor motor skills" comment on Malik, summed him up perfectly. Well, maybe you could have mentioned that he's picked on by the other kids in class.